Sharing what the Catholic faith is and dispelling the myths.

(Click for a larger view) Matthew 25:31-46  New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (NRSVCE) 31 When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, 33 and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. 34 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me. 37 Then the righteous will answer him, Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you? 40 And the king will answer them, Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family,[a] you did it to me. 41 Then he will say to those at his left hand, You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; 42 for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me. 44 Then they also will answer, Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you? 45 Then he will answer them, Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me. 46 And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life. All that you have endured, the pain, the suffering, if it resulted in bringing in one more soul to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven, it would all be worth it! Author, Brian Millar Time, Summer, 2012 Place, Sacramento California Why, Because apparently, I need to show others my walk in this faith of ours....I keep this stuff to myself most of the time, treasures in heaven type of thing..... *This is a work in progress and is rather new.  Those that wish to  cotribute in any way, please contact Brian Millar, EspressoOutfitters@gmail.com The initial idea here is to show what we as Catholics really believe.  Let the facts stand on their own merit and allow for  who ever is interested in it, or could use some correction for making it out to be  something it is not, have a point of  reference upon in one web site Links to friends I run accross on the web and in the world: www.sacredheartbg.org My Home Parish www.cathedralsacramento.org Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament, My last, and landmark, will remain on board with. This is just such an amazing church, you have to see it to take in the fullness of the beauty. www.saintjames-parish.com St. James Church in Vancouver Washington, very old school, warm and welcoming. www.stjohnvancouver.org St. Johns Church, very well established with plenty to offer in all areas. Achoustics are just superb as well. Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: Amen Why is the mass, the way it is? The mass is a very refined form of worship and what I find unique within it, is one is actively participating not just being a spectator or simply being entertained.  The structure helps to keep the necessary components to a full worship in tact, and it is defined in the Lords Prayer itself.  If you break it all down, you will find it actually mirrors the mass itself.  It does unfortunately take time to figure out the process and I think this tends to leave people a bit stifled these days since they want immediate gratification, but any regular member in any parish should easily be able to show you the ropes.  The purpose of the mass is not merely just for worship, we are literally sharing the supper at the Lord Jesus Christs table.  The process of taking ordinary bread and wine, and it being transformed into his literal body and blood, one is given new life in him, directly and literally through the Eucharist. What Catholics tend to be falsely accused of and the following graphic I bounced accross seems to do a good job at summing it up pretty clearly.     Pope News: Relevant articles about what is happening in the church and what our beloved Pope is saying or doing.   Pope Francis urges Catholics to shake up dioceses Original article with pictures in addition here: http://apnews.myway.com/article/20130726/DA7P12281.html Jul 26, 2013, 2:02 AM (ET) By NICOLE WINFIELD, MARCO SIBAJA and JENNY BARCHFIELD (AP) Pope Francis greets Argentines inside the Metropolitan Cathedral in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, July... Full Image RIO DE JANEIRO (AP) - Pope Francis has shown the world his rebellious side, urging young Catholics to shake up the church and make a "mess" in their dioceses by going out into the streets to spread the faith. It's a message he put into practice by visiting one of Rio's most violent slums and opening the church's World Youth Day on a rain-soaked Copacabana Beach. Francis was elected pope on a mandate to reform the church, and in four short months he has started doing just that: He has broken long-held Vatican rules on everything from where he lays his head at night to how saints are made. He has cast off his security detail to get close to his flock, and his first international foray as pope has shown the faithful appreciate the gesture. He's going further Friday, meeting with a small group of young convicts. He'll also hear confessions from some Catholic youth and then head back to Copacabana beach for a Stations of the Cross procession. Dubbed the "slum pope" for his work with the poor, Francis received a rapturous welcome in the Varginha shantytown on Thursday, part of a slum area of northern Rio so violent it's known as the Gaza Strip. The 76-year-old Argentine seemed entirely at home, wading into cheering crowds, kissing people young and old and telling them the Catholic Church is on their side. "No one can remain insensitive to the inequalities that persist in the world!" Francis told a crowd of thousands who braved a cold rain and stood in a muddy soccer field to welcome him. "No amount of peace-building will be able to last, nor will harmony and happiness be attained in a society that ignores, pushes to the margins or excludes a part of itself." It was a message aimed at reversing the decline in the numbers of Catholics in most of Latin America, with many poor worshippers leaving the church for Pentecostal and evangelical congregations. Those churches have taken up a huge presence in favelas, or shantytowns such as Varginha, attracting souls with nuts-and-bolts advice on how to improve their lives. The Varginha visit was one of the highlights of Francis' weeklong trip to Brazil, his first as pope and one seemingly tailor-made for the first pontiff from the Americas. The surprise, though, came during his encounter with Argentine pilgrims, scheduled at the last minute in yet another sign of how this spontaneous pope is shaking up the Vatican's staid and often stuffy protocol. He told the thousands of youngsters, with an estimated 30,000 Argentines registered, to get out into the streets and spread their faith and make a "mess," saying a church that doesn't go out and preach simply becomes a civic or humanitarian group. "I want to tell you something. What is it that I expect as a consequence of World Youth Day? I want a mess. We knew that in Rio there would be great disorder, but I want trouble in the dioceses!" he said, speaking off the cuff in his native Spanish. "I want to see the church get closer to the people. I want to get rid of clericalism, the mundane, this closing ourselves off within ourselves, in our parishes, schools or structures. Because these need to get out!" Apparently realizing the radicalness of his message, he apologized in advance to the bishops at home. Later Thursday, he traveled in his open-sided car through a huge crowd in the pouring rain to a welcoming ceremony on Copacabana beach. It was his first official event with the hundreds of thousands of young people who have flocked to Rio for World Youth Day. Vatican officials estimated the crowd at 1 million. Cheering pilgrims from 175 nations lined the beachfront drive to catch a glimpse of the pontiff, with many jogging along with the vehicle behind police barricades. The car stopped several times for Francis to kiss babies - and take a long sip of his beloved mate, the traditional Argentine tea served in a gourd with a straw, which was handed up to him by someone in the crowd. After he arrived at the beach-front stage, though, the crowd along the streets melted away, driven home by the pouring rain that brought out vendors selling the plastic ponchos that have adorned cardinals and pilgrims alike during this unseasonably cold, wet week. In an indication of the havoc wreaked by four days of steady showers, organizers made an almost unheard-of change in the festival's agenda, moving the Saturday vigil and climactic Sunday Mass to Copacabana Beach from a rural area 30 miles (50 kilometers) from the city center. The terrain of the area, Guaratiba, had turned into a vast field of mud, making the overnight camping plans of pilgrims untenable. The news was welcome to John White, a 57-year-old chaperone from the Albany, New York, diocese who attended the past five World Youth Days and complained that organization in Rio was lacking. "I'm super relieved. That place is a mud pit and I was concerned about the kid's health and that they might catch hypothermia," he said. "That's great news. I just wish the organizers would have told us." Francis' visit to the Varginha slum followed in the footsteps of Pope John Paul II, who visited two such favelas during a 1980 trip to Brazil, and Mother Teresa, who visited Varginha itself in 1972. Her Missionaries of Charity order has kept a presence in the shantytown ever since. Like Mother Teresa, Francis brought his own personal history to the visit: As archbishop of Buenos Aires, then-Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio frequently preached in the poverty-wracked slums of his native city, putting into action his belief that the Catholic Church must go to the farthest peripheries to preach and not sit back and wait for the most marginalized to come to Sunday Mass. Francis' open-air car was mobbed on a few occasions as he headed into Varginha's heavily policed, shack-lined streets, but he never seemed in danger. He was showered with gifts as he walked down one of the slum's main drags without an umbrella to shield him from the rain. A well-wisher gave him a paper lei to hang around his neck and he held up another offering - a scarf from his favorite soccer team, Buenos Aires' San Lorenzo. "Events like this, with the pope and all the local media, get everyone so excited," said Antonieta de Souza Costa, a 56-year-old vendor and resident of Varginha. "I think this visit is going to bring people back to the Catholic Church." Addressing Varginha's residents, Francis acknowledged that young people in particular have a sensitivity toward injustice. "You are often disappointed by facts that speak of corruption on the part of people who put their own interests before the common good," Francis told the crowd. "To you and all, I repeat: Never yield to discouragement, do not lose trust, do not allow your hope to be extinguished." It was a clear reference to the violent protests that paralyzed parts of the country in recent weeks as Brazilians furious over rampant corruption and inefficiency within the country's political class took to the streets. Francis blasted what he said was a "culture of selfishness and individualism" that permeates society today, demanding that those with money and power share their wealth and resources to fight hunger and poverty. "It is certainly necessary to give bread to the hungry - this is an act of justice. But there is also a deeper hunger, the hunger for a happiness that only God can satisfy," he said. --- Associated Press writer Bradley Brooks contributed to this report. --- Nicole Winfield on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/nwinfield.    The scriptures are not the only resources one has in their faith and walk and life, it's the center of our's, but is not all inclusive. There is the human interaction, the whole aspect of living out our faith and sharing that is prevalent throughout it. We have not been given a simple system or guide book, or check list, God is always about a relationship with Him, and where he leads us. Too many get caught up into the legalism of it all, has been that way from the beginning, and God is not pleased with that, if that is your basis of faith. We are to move in spirit, not just the letter or word, and this means ample times and consideration where one is not able to find a direct link to scripture, yet with a heart of empathy, God's empathy, we know when and where it's necessary to make the right decision. I like to attest, my only job is to plant a seed, a seed of hope, to inspire people to want more from themselves, for their lives, for their hearts, and for them to open up a dialog with the Lord, in their own way, own manner, as long as they are talking to God, he will answer, and he will help them in all of their states of being, no matter where they are at, He's there for you, and it's not a matter of being good enough, for he accepts you for who you are, no matter who you are, as long as you have breath of life, He is accessible and one you can turn to, even if all others turn against you, this is just a given. The core aspects, basic fundamental's. Jesus died on the cross for the atonement of all sin for all of mankind, it's not a gift all will receive because they chose not to, but it's a gift available to them at any given moment, all they have to do is say Yes, Lord, I receive you, and I will accept your Love. Let him work out your nature, being, and situation, He's the good Shepard, he will not abandon his flock, and he will always give you what is best for you in all ways. A child may think in their mind, that eating only candy is their desire, and ask God for this, Knowing, as a parent does, that it's not good for them, the same scenario goes for those of us in the position of need, and begging God for it. It's always a good idea to ask God, what you should really be praying for in the first place, the answer may surprise you. If I had some prayers answered in the manner I desired at the time, the results would have been a total disaster, always trust in his gentle and educated way beyond you, or anybodies understandings in this area. Beyond this, our Lord works behind the scenes for all of us, well past what any of us could fathom, it's a little thing for us to spend some time daily in reflection upon this, and if the very least, a simple short prayer would be better then going through out your day ignoring your prayer life. He is spending time 24/7 behind the scenes for us, in comparison, and HIS provisions are more then adequate, if we rely on them, not our own. If he cares that much, to spend that much time for us, it's very little on our end to at least reflect back upon it, and just tell him, Thank you for your Love! In prayer, in deed, in action. Current society, a giant thing we are all guilty of, and it's partiality. The ones that are sick need the healer more then the rest, and our interaction with others in society, with it's media driven, must be this picture perfect person, horrible witness towards humanity. I found those that are not well to do, that lack in the areas of physical beauty, to be the most rich and beautiful of all. I some times am disturbed by bumping into people, made to feel so low, less then human, and all because they lack the money, trait's, looks, etc. to conform with societies typical roll, and I am there to uplift their spirits alone, hopefully planting the seeds of truth as well. I look at society, and laugh at times, wasted energy on useless stuff, so many in need, but boasting about owning this, or just focused upon some negative tangent, and no joy, but just thinking they are doing God's will, but the reality is, they are enslaved to it all. We are here to serve, not be served, we are here to listen, not just to speak, and we are here to make a difference, not be conformed to the world, but to show Love as our Lord has shown his Love for us as well. We are all God's children, regardless of faith "a chosen thing", we were made in His image, and it's the whole, if you want to get to fullness of it all, you want to dig deeper, it's through the Catholic faith itself that guides and leads it in the best context. Do I say, continue being on the side line as one from an outside faith and you are getting into heaven? Nope, but I am saying, get what I'm conveying here now, right, correct, and get it now, rather then waiting until your last moment, at the very least, please, hear what I have to say before making a decision, for I would be heartbroken if you just wrote off it all, while continuing on your current path, in limitations along your walk with the Lord, for he wants and desires a deeper union and collaboration with all of mankind! Still though, I reflect upon my own life, my walk, where I was strong in some areas, weak in others, and it's a journey for me, it will be for you. May God bless you with what is good for you, may you see his gentle, loving in hand in warm embrace in your life, and may you really see Him in truth, and in fullness like you never have before who He is about, and your special roll as His child in this world. Pax Christi Brian Please check back for future updates soon. God bless you in all ways and may you draw closer to him every day, hour and moment!

We will have more blogs, for now, keeping it old school, this is a one page web site, scroll down from the top and we'll keep the file sizes down. I say "we" in regards to there will be more then just myself helping out at the site. All of the faithful are welcomed.

In this blog, I'll be revealing my story, perspective, rants, and ideas.along the way as well.  Sharing a bit about what comes to my world, mind, on a current level, and thoughts and persepectives largely related to the theme of the web site.

Quick overview of myself, just to give the reader perspective, not to tell my life story, but at least a context to show my perspective to some ideal, in the world, and in the faith.

I was raised going to mass, never felt a strong connection with my relatives towards the faith, it just wasn't really discussed in front of us, growing up, yet with me, the times at mass were special, even though I didn't know largely what went on behind the mass itself, I worshipped within it with my heart in tact, it wasn't something I thought was a chore, and at the age of 7, even though I couldn't really discern it, the Holy Spirit made his presence known, in a loving, and felt way, not simply emotional, no words can fathom, but a caress of the soul would be a good analogy.  His presence being even physical at time, hairs stand on end, electrical type of thing, and it's this direct, just being there, that my heart and soul remains in tact.

I stopped going to mass, rebelious teenager to some degree, being treated like an outcast at CCD, didn't help either.  I suffered from some pretty severe depression in those days, so wasn't taking care of myself physically, which I think counts for part of it.  But, the journey from there, took me to places most Catholics could never imagine.  I studied and worshiped with many Protestants, have shared and gained valuable insights from them, and like us Catholics, they are NOT all the same!

During these times, I tinkered and dabbled with things I should have done, Going back to mass, seemed dull, the parish I grew up in changed from a close knit, little house on the prairy with a strong priest, to this jumbled mess after he was reasigned and passed on shortly afterwards, while at the same time, a new church was built, and made the opposite of that old style, classical "tradtitional" church, I was just detached at that stage, in those years, and thus, the reason I ended up taking off and exploring.  This whole being in the faith, how we are to be born again, I looked into and asked around, nobody gave me a straight answer, it was a formula I just had to figure out I guess.

Well, push did eventually come to shove, and I find myself now requiring what the Catholic church is a seasoned expert upon, in hard core spiritual warfare, And I decide, it's time to get serious, time to get back to my roots, time to really see what this place is about.  It did take some prompting by our Lord, even drawing me into the grotto, praying with Mary, for the first time, Mary was actually in the picture of my spiritual life along me notcing her at all.  I just considered her something that's just part of the words we say, her presence, this is what helped me really realize what the Catholic faith is about, and she has given me so much healing, graces, and more then I can ever know, but have to keep this relatively brief.

I am very much Catholic, just in case you know, but I am very much in giant way's, empathising with my protestant brethren as well, be it I go to mass on the correct days, and more, love to drop into the church at St. Johns, and play my trumpet, and pray, when I have some free time on my way to the shop.  This whole debate between both sides needs to come to an end, for united, we could accompolish so very many mutually common goals.

I was called into the priesthood during this time, at the age of 13, why this sticks out in my head, I don't know, but this coinsides with the age of 7, where I started to feel his presence, and at that early age, I thought everybody felt it "him", in this way.  One is living on both sides of the reality as a child, and it melts away as we grow up.,  So I thought...  I opted out of going that route, combo of very low self esteem and strong desire to marry and raise a family.

The times continued, throughout my life, and I remained chronically single, the whole looking into this scary life where you are just pretty much owned by this entity, including eliminating the possiblity of having a wife, family, etc., scary, and thought, there must be a better way.  I still wrestle with the calling to this day, and now, just being put into spots where I'm just ministering, some times even on the raw streets, some times, in random places, but I'm finding it harder not to follow it, then to.  I think to myself, why me, I am not remotely worthy for such a task, as being a priest, but I look to where I find joy, and it's in serving others, the Church, teaching and sharing the faith, the music I create about it, now vocals, really cool there, gift from our Lord Christmas eve a few years back, will talk about that later.

Currently, have put into motion, talking to all of the local priests, getting their story and take along what led them to the priesthood, had a wonderful discussion with this, with my friend that is in charge of teaching religios education at one of my favorite parishes, and he's enthused as well.

Will will how things transpire, meanwhile, leaving this as the first post, an introductry of my background, walk, and just a brief overview.  The things I have seen, the experiences I have had, the talks with teh Lord, his speaking back to me, and opening up my eyes.  I still, in my heart could have a wife and family, but more and more, I can see how great it would be to move closer to him and give him my everything in his service as well, to the point, if it's being a priest in the Catholic church, then it's his will, if it's something else, it's his will as well.  Who am I to question it.

God bless all that read it, in his way, with the blessings that you really need, not necessarily the ones you are asking for.

Pax Christi,

Brian

New entries

8-14-2013

Talked to several Priests today, lost it on the floodgate of experiences towards conveying this being a life long spiritual journey.  So glad these guys know patience due to
that, I'm not normally that way, with this, just too much!  Thus the reason for just pointing to the blog instead.  Overall, my peace of mind hope, optimism, joy, is
escalating.  Have appointments in place, people to talk to and things to do, I guess I have to be more visual along what I do in the ministries I am involved with, more along my prayer life, more along everything.  For them, I am just this guy from nowhere..
 I have always yearned for a connection and regular dialog with a priest, but never had that in my life, apparently this is also hinging upon my approval, so looks like I'm going to have to formally adopt one, and what better then the parish I grew up with!  A year seems to stick in my mind, as far as getting involved and loving it as much as I can, is all I can say, to make sure this is the right calling for me.  I waited this long, one year is nothing, and this whole age thing, people complain that I just don't, so the Lord has been good to me and I shouldn't worry about time on it all.  If it's a good fit, if this is what He had in store for me, wonderful, if not, I'll know by then.

God bless you, and those that take the time out to talk to me.  Pray for our Priests, they need them more then all of us, since they are doing God's work and will, and are
attacked in doing so!

8-15-2013

Very good Blessed Feast day of Our Ladies ascension,

Mass at Sacred Heart, Fr. David was wonderful in celebrating it with us, the choir group I used to sing and play trumpet with was there as well, I rejoined up with them as part of getting more involved with the Parish. I light a candle at the grotto in front of our blessed Mothers shrine, long story behind that place.  I picked out a Sacred Heart of Jesus candle for it, always good to have one to light once in a while for prayer.  I had a short chat with Fr. David after mass, he assured me he's getting back to me, received both messages, and he just knew who I was even though this is the second time I've met him.  After mass though, I went back to the grotto, I some times go there before and after, and two young men were there, discussing along their planning of it all, apparently they just took the initiative to help maintain it, and were wanting to do more with it.  I told them I wanted to rebuild an elaborate shrine for our Ladies statue, discussed this with a priest at SH, two priests back., Long story short, I now have two volunteer's to help spruce the place up and help me with my vision of making it much more inspirational, and very old school on the architecture, will get formal approval from the staff for the renovation, but seems that this whole, let's see how it all fits in, is off to a good start.  I'm a wood worker by trade and actually, God has given me so many gifts, in so many trades and related, to put to work on a Nobel project like this would be so rewarding due to it., And to help inspire people to pray in this manner, something that will always be around, very rewarding indeed.

That to the side, back to my original story, for elaboration, since I'm pointing people here, including priests that I'm inquiring along the faith towards joining the priesthood.  I am sharing things that are personal to me, rants about my life and daily activities, but it's part of my story and walk, so should be expressed regardless.  Who knows, someone may even be inspired from it.

When I was a young child, my family moved to different locations, thus different schools often.  As a boy back then, it was a new pecking order I had to face each time, and always plenty of violence due to it particularly since I was the quietest kid in the class, even voted that every year until that practice ended in 9th grade.  Kids were just that way, especially with a smaller, shy guy, that, regardless, they had to see how you fought in order to establish where you were at in their so called ranks.  I didn't fight, I contemplated how what I experienced was nothing compared to how Jesus endured at Calvary, that the experience turned into a tool for spiritual growth.  That whole reflection struck me, and simultaneously, the Holy Spirit just made his presence known to me, in an empathetic, caring, loving similar to wings spread around your body, but more intimate.  This was accompanied by his physical force, commonly discussed as like an electricity, and this has remained with me.  I can understand certain quotes from scripture, describing the Holy Spirit in this manner, and have asked many people if they have experienced the same, very, very few have, and I so wish I could just create this formula, or system to get people to be at the place they could also experience God in this way.,

High School, very low self esteem, suffered from depression, and did not take care of myself.  The experience with CCD, was not good at all, as well as classmates for the most part.  I did make some friends, and this includes teachers, one of which is my band instructor, that I keep in touch with from time to time to this day.  I ended up joining the army at the age of 17, and this is where, everything else in the world has been stripped of me, being in another part of the country, being able to go to mass, I was at home for a while., This latter, there is much I will talk about later on.  Any Catholic church I encounter, regardless of what part of the world I am at, is home to me, at least an earthly one, more so then any residence or dwelling place.  The architecture may be different, the people, none I know, but I'm at home when I'm in mass, and the mass is something that I consider the peek of my week.  The one day I have to look forward to, and it's so short, some times feels like a short breath and it's over.  I used to be able to go to daily mass, and I think I need to adjust my schedule to accommodate.  When I could in the past, it just was a highlight of the highlight of my day.  I'm drawn to it, and if I am forced to miss it, something significant is missing from my being, the week just is flat, and it's receiving Jesus, but the whole process of participating in it, using ones energy, and to sing, just wonderful.

I did opt out of mass during those late teen age years, and only showed up at mass once in a while, there is a discussion I'll have with Fr. David, along Sacred Heart, towards what it has lost in community that hit had with Fr. Franklevic was the pastor, and it was at the old, very traditional church building.  Another story there, but needless to say. I wasn't attending as I should have.  I came back in my early 20's, and was asking some hard questions, yearning for a deeper faith, desiring more then just that hour, that it wasn't enough for me at all., And digging into the bible, something I was told not to read on my own "played rebel there", I was looking at the whole, being born again as quoted, and at the same time, attended protestant services as well.  I still went back to mass, but not as much as I should have, go back to the daily mass comment I made.  This is what perplexed me, so I began asking Catholic and protestant sources, what do you do to be born again, what is it like?  I never really got a straight answer, so I researched and explored.  Attending several different type of protestant churches, I found them to be so different, and so just, lacking in the fullness of what I experienced at mass, but seeing and enjoying their energy, it was helpful, but it, could never replace an actual mass.  At mass though, my knowledge base was very limited, I didn't fully understand why things are, the way they are, and it's richness, so didn't soak in the fullness of it all, much less the mass itself.  The two were different things.

I did end up slowly dissipating attending any church, over time, during my 20's, and 30's, and including reading my bible, but during those times, there was still prayer, still talks with God, still standing up for the truth, but not living up to God's standards as one fully devout in the faith.  That time, much happened, I could not possibly put into a blog, so trying just to touch along things, with the faith here, needless to say, the measure of involvement echo 'd my personal state of being, how I felt about myself, it's a measure where one can even calculate based upon.  This time was not wasted though, my relentless quest for an answer, for finding out the fullness of the spiritual world, regardless of source, I ventured into study of many faiths outside of the Christian denomination.  The entire time, regardless, I always empathized that I was Catholic, I was not part of their denomination or religion, that I was visiting and had no desire to "convert".  What this did was give me insight into the perspectives of those out side of it, it helped me to find common ground that could be built upon to form a dialog, and often, this is what it takes to just get your foot in the door and speak about the truth.

Needless to say, I ventured into an area of study I should not have, packaged up as it was, all modern, and seemed like something that actually worked, I opted to dabble in it with and found out the hard way, don't remotely waste your time on any philosophy of this modern new age.  The book was called the Secret, and I have informed many, many people towards never venturing into it, and I speak to them with authority over it, knowing what it's really about, and this is a dangerous book with it's DVD to have around. There is more to it then this, I'll touch upon later, but it's something I'm directly pointing out to people that are reading this, to stay away from for a reason.

Upon realizing where I was at in my life, circumstances being pretty extreme, I knew that I had to get back to my roots, I needed the heavy guns, that the protestant circuit wasn't going to be much help, there was an urgency to get back to my roots, and this set the ball in motion, towards moving much closer to my calling then ever before.  I was miserable without having a strong, not just Sunday only participation in my life, but having been exposed to so much, I was in need of some cleansing and healing.  This is where it comes back full circle, back to my original parish, be it the different building and people., And I was just pulled into the grotto, this simple, little garden spot with some slate, kind of crude. I'm going to be changing that soon", but a statue of Our Lady was there, and this is where things really started to move forward.  All of this time, I never included Mary in any of my prayers, just thought of her as this side thing, and so downplayed, didn't seem very important to show any devotion to her.  I found out soon, what I was discovering with her, breathtaking, and the amount of healing, her presence, amazing, and how one can claim the Christian faith, without any thought about Mary, so very limited of a faith that is.  There are things I've experienced, that I won't post here, but I can attest, she has been a very strong influence in my prayer life, and how wonderful of an influence our heavenly Mother is!

8-16-2013

Had a meeting with Fr. Harris, wonderful priest, glad to be able to interact and dialog with.  Probably the longest amount of time I had with one, one on one like this in my life, and it was about 1/2 hour, sad to say.  Causes more reflection upon the past, the times I tried to reach out, and was just shuttled off to the side, if I knew then what I know now, I would have been much more bold about it, I should have risen up out of my shy nature and been a pest if they didn't want to find the time for me, lol,  I know though, these guys are busy, and they have no way of knowing, my intentions towards the priesthood, and my own even, obscured with thinking and longing to marry and start a family, was in conflict with it, so much so, I let my heart remain divided in this area, and not venturing far enough to see the bigger picture, emotionally, where I would be best suited and fit in. Knowing what was at stake, now, the going theme...I'm too old for the formal vocation, at least it seemed to me, from all I'm talking too, it's going to be a bourdon on the Church for me to enter into Priesthood at this age, and adding another year, something I really need, making it that much more difficult and a problem. but at least he recognized the calling was there.  The times in the past, and of course now, my whole excuse being, not being remotely good enough for that task, and now, knowing more and more how God takes us as we are, regardless, and it's because I know I'm not good enough, makes me a better choice.

So, what can I do but use even this for God's glory.  To continue to share my story, to help others like me, younger then me, discern their calling, and to show them where they will be at if they don't pursue it, and the urgency behind investigating it sooner rather then later.  To save so much heartache and suffering in the process, that figuring it out on your own is not going to help the process go easier, just the opposite.  It looks like Sacred Heart is going to have a powerhouse of a person involved, so much energy, so many things I can be contributing, so much Love this heart of mine to extend, and Jesus's heart through me, to those in the parish and without.  Fr. David is going to have a helper in the process, and a guy he can call upon for help any time he needs it as well,

The thing to share here, once you are seriously taking a look at the discernment process, from my own perspective, and you place especially the desire for marrying and raising a family, onto the alter, into his hands, things become much more objective, you are able to see the joy it would be to dedicating their life to God and his people exclusively. I'm no longer wasting time along trying to find a wife and raise a family ,that to me "madness" has finally ended, I can now pursue exclusively the path, to God, and Him and His church alone.  It's something I want to convey for those that are younger, that it's not a good approach to decide to see if that world, would work out, prior to deciding if religious life is an option.  You are a square peg in a round hole, trying to conform to standards that aren't meant for you, and will always feel lacking due to it.  The greatest joy, satisfaction, and personal fulfillment is being in your correct vocation.  I have at times pondered if a priest, who seems to be missing something in his life, could have been better off just getting married, and perhaps there are some that would be, that is rare, but there is always a perfect place for you, perfect position you are to be in, perfect everything, just don't limit your options here, else you are going to be missing the boat.

Also, I have to convey, that we all have times where we feel lonely, married or not, this is part of humanity, God's presence recognized elevates that.  His presence is just sensed at all times, in different ways at times, but I just know he's there, I can almost see him in the distance, or in close quarters.  The people I have talked to that don't, I feel so sorry for, and it's another one of those, if I could create a formula for them to follow, I would.
 

Jumping all over the place on these first blog's, and continue to remind readers as I go along this matter., It will get more organized at a later date, but am going to share some dreams that I have had, for I do think God can influence us through them, just be careful about getting too much into your own, as I do myself, for you can wander off all over the place and into areas you shouldn't.

Will just point out a few that are God related:

The beginning of the path deeper Home, 7 years ago, I dreamt that I was the footstool of Jesus, just on my hands and knees.  He was on his throne, and he delighted in resting the heals of his feet upon my back, not in a mean way or demeaning in any manner, but I awoke perplexed about it.  I thought to myself, this is Jesus himself, can't be bad, and to be put into the lower spot of a foot stool, all I knew is that it moved me in new ways, he was just reaching out to me, and I guess giving me a heads up that things are going to start changing.  Later I found that it was a good dream, he was resting in me, this like the rest, very vivid in my mind.  The transformation of my life from the limited in the faith, began that day.

4 years ago, on two close occasions, I dreamt of seeing God's glory or being.  It was like seeing Love, invisible to the eyes, the warmth emulated from it, no words could describe, both situations, there were clouds in the sky surrounding Him, similar to some old religious paintings, and the earth, a grassy meadow and mountains below.  His glory shone on all of it, I would be better to say, I saw the reflection of His Glory.  During that time in my life, it was so bitterly cold and harsh from all sides in my world.  The conditions I had to live in, to even having to severely limit even when I was able to move about in, to even attend bible study was an act of God in order to have enough for Gas, to be able to have food to eat, the bare basic necessities, it was a matter of raw survival, to the point, I might as well have been homeless, for it was just a fraction above that.  This is when I was also called into the street ministry, and odd at first, it is now natural.,

Another that sticks out in my head, was visiting with Pope John Paul, in his abode in heaven, amazing huge church like building, and he had his chair, on the west side, facing the west.  Amazing personality, so much love, and I needed that conversation, being treated so coldly by the churches I attended, I almost threw in the towel, and made a statement in thought, if I go to mass one more time, and nobody acknowledges me, if I'm just to all of them, a ghost, I am not going back again, for many, many, times, I almost broke down in tears in the parking lot, due to that.  I'm not good at rejection, never gained that thick tough skin around my heart, and to me, this was just that, being rejected.  That dream visit at the Popes heavenly place, is what I needed to continue forward,

I have had many, many, of these, like this, and of course the usual ones everybody else has, but certain ones stand out from the rest, like there was something God was trying to reassure me about, if anything, to console me.

Last one, the one that really spurred on this new energy to really reach out to talk to the people and powers that be, along my calling was short, but very symbolic.

Myself, very orthodox, at least as much as one can be coming from a very liberal, V2 church background.  I know almost no Latin, and the hymns I'm now playing and singing, many of which are super old, are new to me to boot, some though, in the mass itself, no longer there, I so miss, Fr. Franklvic's voice resonates still in my head.  Thankfully I read sheet music, so can adapt easily, am a pro musician and that's par for the course there.  The dream though, I was at mass, they were distributing communion, and the people formed 2 wide lines, not single file, but a column about 4-5 people wide, standing and moving, rather lack luster, and the Priest was on the left, then to the right, and back again, for the columns were formed on both sides of the church, with none in the middle.  I tried to get in both lines to no avail, in the center though, at the alter, were people, kneeling, wearing alter gowns of sorts, in reverence, surrounding it very closely.  This was "my" group I knew immediately, I knelt with them, to receive communion, and it ended shortly thereafter.

That's it for the day, have much work on my plate for tonight, running a business that is multi faceted, so very much that I have to address in order to make sure I have enough money for food, rent, and expenses, I don't get to just remain in the faith, doing the Lords work like this, and I very much work for God in the shop, but it's a different type of work, it's tent making, just as Paul's, was, be it, in solitude most of the time, it's myself and the Lord.

August 19, 2013

Had a busy weekend, thus the break in the blog time line., Spent time with relatives and work at the same time, nice to have things settle down, nice more so, to consider my faith, my Catholic faith as an asset!!! I won't get into too much detail there, perhaps later though. It does warm my heart in this process, and yes, discussed with them along joining the priesthood, they are not against it at all and my mother said she pretty much expected it, since I was so devout, so no big surprise. I have talked to them about it before as well, just sharing insight into this whole discernment process.

They needed a Eucharistic minister at mass, I volunteered, wearing all black was very appropriate, overly so for the task. I was a little nervous, but this is par for the course, in a public circuit, be it, nothing compared to going live on stage with music I may, or may not have played before. The experience though, to drink from the same chalice as the Priest's, and to be holding the blood of Christ.... It was unlike anything I have experienced before, not a simple gesture or set of words to be said and done, to say, "The Blood of Christ", and reinforcing that this very much is His blood, it's real, words cannot describe. It made me realize how awesome it is, to be able to share, and the dream I spoke about, made more sense, and perhaps it was a heads up, for this very thing. I had them write my name down, I will be happy to participate in this area, I was also wanting to become a reader, so goes hand in hand.

Fr. David's Homily was very articulate, well thought out, moving, and inspiring. I liked how he balanced accountability with empathy and good humor. I'm behind his stance here, and can tell, this man of God is home at Sacred Heart.

Two ministries I want to set up within, one, build or resurrect a welcome group, one that makes people new to it, feel at home and creates and coordinates events to introduce people to our faith community as well. The other, a general prayer group, where you can have a group of dedicated, well trained prayer warriors to do nothing more then pray for people upon request. I have had people put me into the spotlight of some very powerful prayer warriors, and I could literally notice their prayers in action, I could feel them on certain levels as well. Anyway, will see what type of time and resources the Lord allows for me on these matters, and as well, of course, what permissions I can get from the Parish.

Personal stuff to the side on this one, going to share some insight into raw street ministry, ie. preaching the gospel on the streets.

I was called into it and it felt odd, seeing these loud, rather larger then life preachers, street preachers, To me, that's just too far out there, too much above and beyond, it seems to push people away, the ones we are at least trying to reach. It was impressed upon me, from the Lord, to simply find a random spot that had people walking by, and read the bible out loud. Do that one task and make sure you can be heard. I opted in, rather then out, it was easier for me along how strongly I was pulled, even though I was at a financial spot of pretty much zero, I had the Lords Provisions, so they were not that, but to not know where you are going to get your next dime to eat, greatly needing to reside in the faith and plenty of struggle., yet it's a struggle at times we all have to face from time to time. This is before my music went public performance for the most part, this is before a great many things. I ended up just showing up to Vancouver, reading the bible in a park down town out loud, and did so for about 45 min. Went home, and called it good. I got a couple of odd interactions, nothing heavy, and thought, if this is all it is, then I can go to other places and do the same, after all, this may verily be the only time they hear the word of God spoken to them in their lives. I did a little more in Vancouver and Portland, I knew, this was going to continue, but I didn't know how it would evolve, or even if.

I ended up at Chico California a few months later, different everything across the board in my world, and opted back to preach the gospel, and this progressed into adding music, guitar and trumpet. I ended up using the music to draw people in, on my electric set up, I brought in the younger crowd, teens nobody can reach, open up to me, hearing me play to others from all walks. This ministry does deal with he homeless, the destitute on all level's, and one should be prepared, one shouldn't be alone in the process if they can avoid it.

As a couple of years passed by, I used that place as a training ground, helped out around the Jesus Canter in my own way, and the combo moved into also including the pro life, now way more then 40 days for life, aspects of the faith. Was there to learn and experience the next levels of it all, in the expanding ministries I have been involved with, just called to do, no writing it down "am now", type of thing. I have had my bouts with facing very dangerous opposition, people threatening me with violence, and it's something else, where you are reading the word of God, and are rock solid with zero percent fear, for you know the Lord shields you. No amount of inner strength can suffice to that kind of confidence. One much be capable of being at that level in order to face these kind of dangers. Along the pro life ministries, one must be also able to handle being assaulted verbally and some times through other means, just to stand up for what is right, even simply showing a prayerful presence faces that type of scrutiny from the public.

The thing is, you are growing in your faith, I certainly did, and yes, I have had to deal with pain in the process, but to suffer for Christ, for doing his work, even if all that you have had to endure, results in helping to bring in just one soul into the kingdom of heaven, then all would be worth while.

Sacramento really brought that home, the schedule and conditions I had to face were pretty grueling, and yes, that too I dreamt about a decade before, when I arrived for the first time, I recognized the areas features due to them. It is a different type of city, very poor, desperately poor in many areas, rather ran down and barren, has it's pockets of nice spots, but overall, a city that's abandoned to certain levels. The heat being one thing, growing up in the Pac. NW., to adapt to harsh desert heat, and be exposed to it daily all day and night, takes a huge toll out of ones self. I am x army, so considered it as a test in endurance, and this was for a mission, tent making playing the horn busking, and ministry, to engage in the homeless population and try to raise their spirits to seek out a better life, adding into this the raising awareness and pro life aspects now included into both. There were some very good experiences here, rewarding and at the end of the night, I slept well, at least when I could due to the very sparse and crude living accommodations.

I would suggest, as I have stated before, if you are feeling the calling to go into the religious life, or priesthood, you should follow it, but also note, God may call you to do small steps before larger ones, don't turn away the smaller ones and see where he leads you. The joy I have found, to make a difference, in my own way, nothing in this world can remotely replace, and this is what living is about.. You will know empathy for your fellow man, like never before, you will know what it means to live the word, not just know about it, and you will face, as described as before, the same degree of context and mind set, from men of old, warriors in Christ of old! This is not something to just dabble with, one should be prepared and be educated. As stated, by our Lord, when He sent out the apostles, two by two into the cities, be cunning as serpents but gentle as doves. I have fallen asleep during those physically, emotionally, spiritually demanding times, the likes of which would break most people, in peace, happy that my day ended being able to touch so many other people, to brighten their day, to give them hope, to make a difference even including the almost daily presence in prayer and petition to the Lord for this place to cease doing harm, in front of a local abortion provider. All of that, may seem harsh, but that is what the Lord has built me up to handle. Surely he's capable of building us all up to much greater then this, and he has shown it through the lives of the saints and martyrs.

August 20, 2013

Mainly tent making, taking up my world, the extensive myriad of details, no point in discussing here, would make this post about 10 pages long, needless to say, taking care of business. Dropping by St. Johns, yesterday to pray and play, I noticed the rectory bible was missing. I like to read where it's randomly opened up at, and afterwards I find another spot, mostly at random as well, to leave it at for the next reader. This along with the candles, used to be able to leave rosaries, are some form of dialog that's being going on between myself and who ever is showing up there as well. I have had a similar thing happen at the grotto at Sacred Heart, where I'll adjust something, or leave something behind, be it a candle, card, or rosary, and someone else that is also a regular or not, would make their own mark. The missing bible disturbed me. I was tempted to ask in the office what happened, but I don't want to fall into being scrupulous nor become a pest, so just accepted it. Things changing or out of order, I don't mind, something like this, very personal, does affect me, for this is part, missing a highlight of the day, reading His word at a proper place, and part, missing that dialog, and part, sad to say, yet one more thing that has been robbed from the place, a holy place, that leaves it's doors open like this rather then being locked up tight and ignored. God's house should always be open to all, 24/7 in my book, and nobody should ever have to sleep outside while there is a church that could house them, even if for a few hours, much less in my case, having a place to pray at that is secluded but dedicated for that purpose. I loved it in Chico, where I would drop by St. Johns for this, during the day, even brought in a few people off of the streets, they were moved by the music that I was playing.

Still waiting back to hear from the others I contacted about joining the priesthood, so far, Father Harris is the only one to sit down and talk with me about it on person, have a meeting with Fr. Brian and he was good over the phone with me, I have not called a lot this time, in the past, barely anybody responded at all, so this is a good response in comparison. Meanwhile, the show must go on and there is still so much work to be done here, and elsewhere. This isn't about me, it's about where God want's me, and how he wants me to serve, bottom line. Still though, I see a lag in response that should be an urgency of, and I'm going to be addressing that to post, that if a person is asking for discernment, don't put them on the back burner, these are life changing decisions, and at the least, have a friend you know to chat with, for the delay could be, and it looks in my case, one less clergy member that is going to be participating in the calling on the formal level... thus, the informal I have adopted at this stage., To serve doesn't mean having a title, status, garb, or position, it means to do what God is calling you towards any given task and group and do the best you can in the process.

Being mature enough to know, this man has only a limited time in his day, I can't sign up for everything out there, can't do what my mind and heart want's me to, but I can focus upon what I do in the capacity, to the best of my ability. I want to dive into the 40 day's for life program within the churches construct at the parish, and I'll be involved within it on a formal level, but it's nothing compared to what I'm doing within it on a much larger level. I have been tempted to just lead it, and if God shifts things around and that is what he want's me to do, I will, yet I know, it's one of many things he already has me in place and doing, joining in at the local Parish is more for them then myself and based upon the limited involvement there, it could use a boost of energy, but not in the capacity along following. The important part is, where is the most need, and where is it he's going to be wanting me to focus upon. This has been an assembly line of ministries I've been involved with and this whole aspect, to be called to Shepard the flock, this is still there, but the whole in what capacity, this has been the aspect I'm trying to define.

There is much more I want to talk about, and these remain between myself and the Lord, but to convey the loss I have experienced, to have the closest things and beings in my heart, torn away, ruthlessness, and to endure a life that is more Job like, then the fluffy, always happy, feel good Christian, one must take note of this blog for that aspect. God never promised an easy life, but He did say that he would lift up a righteous man out of his troubles. I know, none of us are that, but I have asked him to make me that, and that is not all I can do, I know, but it's a start.

I was talking to a client of mine earlier today. and we get along the subject of starting a business, and how many I encounter, stuck in a dead end job, complaining about this or that. I'm conveying to them, spend at least 10 min out of your day to pursue launching your own business, and eventually you will see change. This is actually the same for our relationship with God. Spend at least 10 min with him a day, in thought, prayer, or action, just 10 minutes, and at that very least, see how your life will become better. Those living a hard life, expect negative repercussions down the road, but know, even the best of us are exactly in the same boat, it's not really even, it's especially. This is taking a major step forward in the richness of you life, as God intended it, and it very much takes prescience over it, for the good vastly outweighs the bad.

August 21, 2013

Spent most of my time in tent making land, again, but still had time to fit into the prayer and work for the cause and faith, with the public, be it on a limited level, anything is better then having a day without it. Speaking to people online and off, about the faith, where it presents itself, the myriad of souls touched, I would have another 10 pages here, so opt to simply move on.

Regaining a new sense of peace, more so then before, and it's always through the Lord, for all peace comes from Him! Part of it all as well, being involved and overcoming obstacles and unknowns that stand in my path. Amazing how so many people avoid trying new things even though they may seem appealing, they have never envisioned themselves in doing so. I go back to God works with average people, often the underdog, not the ones with the money fame and prosperity. This is always a theme throughout scripture, and it's those closest to the humbleness of all of humanity, he can work with, for he's working with all at once at current. I do not like being considered as this person that's some how above someone else, never have and it bothers me that some people convey that they are below, some how lacking that I bump into. The last thing I'm about is being some puritan, nor do I display any outward sign of prosperity, except in my attitude and mind set towards being aware and have been given knowledge over the years. I still make the same mistakes and wrestle with the same things all others do, just do so in a different manner at times is all I can think of. Yet, upon reflection here, this great big arena, the faces I encounter in public, typically not very happy at all, if I could give them just some degree of hope, yet know, it's a product of our modern humanistic self god governed society. Of course they aren't going to ba happy, they are focused upon a combination of their inner demon's and the worthless garbage that comes out on TV...

I'm accepting the path now, and if it's business God is calling me to, in order to create something with huge substance to wield it's strength towards doing what is right, rather then what is currently being wielded in big business, then so be it... I am basically married to the company at this point, for all intensive purposes but I know it's for a greater good, and I've learned how to completely detach myself from anything material, so I guess it was fitting I learned to live in abject poverty over the years. I loath money with all that is about it, but looks like it's a motivating force for others to follow, thus leading through example in the faith, wholly the faith while showing what I do in the business sector is the direction I'm taking. God's same provisions regardless, and doing what I can to be of aid to much greater numbers, thus is what it's about.

August 22, 2013

This sums up the day and feeling I have had, no need to elaborate. Daily activities, a great deal, in the world and in the faith, this is a constant. Too much remotely to discuss and get to be able to sleep a normal night. The pictures sums them up for the moment.

August 24, 2013

Have an early start for the day, and have work still to do, in the shop and in the ministry. I so look forward to mass, as always, it's the highlight of my week, just wish they had an extra one during the day. Ended the night playing guitar, and I suppose, next choir practice I should bring in my electric gear to show these people where I'm at with it. God has given me the gift of music, and being known only for the trumpet and vocals, they really would be floored, be it, I'm not a production line musician on that aspect, and so very much out there, along theory, a bit overwhelming "well very much so", to integrate with a conservative selection of hymns. Yet, I would like to see if we can work on additional selection's where we really hone them into masterpieces for inclusion at a later date and/or for recording purposes.

Keeping up on world affairs, I tend to absorb the overall, what is going on, in reality, world wide, and the brutality I see fellow Christ's followers is horrendous. Why is there nothing said in the Homilies about the persecution, why we aren't standing and praying in solidarity over it, is beyond me, and I so wish to convey that we must get out side of our comfort zone's and show much more support for our brethren. These are signs of times to come for us in the west, and sadly, until something is facing you directly, affecting you personally, one tends to ignore it. Part of it, we have been so desensitized through the media, we don't take what is happening as really happening, combined with the volume of what's going on, people tend to just write it off as normal.

Ministry in general, always a two way street, one cannot be effective if they are not focused along the interior ministry, as well as without, and the reverse comes into play, where that is all they are focused upon, no amount of prayer or knowledge can replace real action, real works, and producing external fruits., I have opted out of bible studies in general due to that. The last one, I asked the group, how many are involved in the 40 day's for life, no hands were raised, and I again, faced the same, who is this young guy that knows too much about the faith, it's a rivalry that I have faced all too often. I almost want to apologize ahead of time, to tell these people I'm not just getting God at the end of my years, that I am not comfortable simply sitting on some committee, or group that never ventures out in the world to share the faith. The living it aspect, this is where we are applying our knowledge, this is also where we are tested, and shown our limitations, as well as strength in the Lord. Things I have studied and known for years, come to new meanings when faced with opposition and triumph in the world, one grows and one see's with new eyes, and one can relate to the times and people of old.

August 25, 2013

Had a client pick up one of the carts I built for them and a plexi sneeze guard., Running theme being, it's about building relationships for the day. I'm finding the face to face experience, backed up with quality work creates a positive relationship, and when they left, I said God bless you, even though it didn't seem their agenda had anything to do with God in their lives. It's business and often we remain in that sector when conducting transactions, yet on the corporate level, there are always opportunities to spread the gospel, even if it's limited in this capacity. I try to feel people out, figure out where they are coming from, relate on their level, and if the discussion turns into talking about God, and fellowship, wonderful, if not, at least leave a final comment, God bless you, to convey to them that this person that did them well, is also a believer. These some times plant seeds, and from there, you know the rest of what happens.

From time to time, God does make my world feel like a Simpson's episode, where I will have an interest and pursue something, and all of a sudden, from out of nowhere, things related to that element will just show up in my world, at random, and much of the time, through the same contacts, people, I normally dialog with, be it's mainly online these days due to my schedule at the moment. This transcends into the world itself, especially those closest to me, and I see God moving through them, even if they aren't aware, He just amazes me, is all I can say, and it's a surreal life I live sometimes due to it.

That all to the side, I wanted to share something I posted on Face book, yes, I use it, but try to keep out of any drama that arises from it, will speak later on about it, for it's a tool to one degree, but has negative implications for use on another. Here is the post on my status, and it's not out of the norm for me to rally the troupes like this through it. I wonder some times if anybody is reading these, but again through divine meetings, God has had people talk to me on the street, who are among their friends, give me encouragement about it all, thus just because you don't get a like or comment, you do know this too is planting seeds and getting to ears that need to hear it.

Here it is:

Right here, right now, God want's us of the faithful to be grounded, as in having empathy for those most marginalizes in our society. This means having to face the very sad truth to many situations and people's lives we face. It's the ones with their head in the sand that are not doing enough good, it's because they choose to ignore it or write it off for what ever reason instead. Jesus spoke out strongly along partiality, along helping the poorest of the poor, and this is why we must be diligent and faithful in our work, for what ever work He sends us, is doing service for him, and what you do to the least of these, you do to Him, make sure you never lose sight of that.

When I was in Sacramento, there were blocks of homeless people, scattered throughout the area., Even here, we have pockets of secret places they are having to hide, these can be dangerous places as well. To see such poverty, people pushing shopping carts, sleeping on the sidewalk's, this is the reality of America for far too many people, even one is too many in my book! I'm outraged that we have a system like this, that in our society, we still have people that live destitute among us. All of our so called advances in all things, and this is still the case, it's wrong, it needs to end, and we must take action.

Next time you are having a big family meal, make one more plate, wrap it up, and decide who among you is going to bring it to a homeless person that night, or the next day. Such a small thing I'm proposing here, something if enough would do, would give them the hope they need, that someone cares, that we of the haves, are not some cold heartless bunch. That alone in many cases, will motivate them to want something better for themselves. It's what this ministry is about, and it's not hand out's of food, it's hand out's of Love!

August 27, 2013

Realizing more and more, God's graces, even putting me into random places for people to fellowship and minister with. NOt all Catholics, and I guess this is why I had my background, for I"m realizing more and more, tha Protestants, being the volume of the faith more and more these days, are my brethren and God is moving through them, evne to the point of putting of helping along my spiritual and life journey. As stated before, Jesus created His church, and the gates of hades will not prevail agaainst it. He created a spritiual church, not just some denomination. I think one must realize what this means, and the whole, seperating the goat's from the sheep comes to mind in this aspect. I will take note of this, that he's looking at your hearts, not our absolute inferioius knowledge bases, and Jesus stated, come to the Kingdom of God as one of these, pointing to children, and this is who I am, a child, always a child, and this is my heart, as a child it holds no reservations, it Loves, it is hurt easily, and it embraces security. God is our security, and the one who deserves our love in full, and the one that very much so, gives us back.

My prayer theme, Mary included with, the word was Love, and I went to two parishes to pray,. the first, on my way to the shop, which is my beloved spot of an open house, be it's rather empty and secluded for having so much open space that one could be utalizing, the other, a very tiny grotto that's not a whole lot more then a few random things thrown in and some basic landscape. It does have it's personal tone, as in someone loving it earlier, but it's a humble Holy place I like to pray at once in a while as well, and Mary's statue there, huge helper for me, and let's me, I talk to her, pray with her, and pray to her but never in the same context as praying to God., Today, was a general, praying to all, the Lord, and along side her, and more so, giving her and my Lord my heart along deeper levels.

I have to add, God does speak to us through people and things, and he has done so with me, yet one more day, in His own tender way, in his Own kindness, and in such utter implicid detail and nuance, only God can care in this manner. I asked Him to Love him more, to be able to Love more, in general, and to know Love, His Love, along deeper levels, for the world itself is lacking in this area, always have, and I guess like any Love, one must want to long for a deeper connection if they are on the right path.

August 31, 2013

Coming to terms with it all, was given an email that they wouldn't let me into the seminary due to my medical condition, being epileptic, they have had many try to complete, and all were having to resign after a short while due to the schedule and constraints. This has been a chapter, where even though I mention, not my calling after all, the nagging feeling of pursuing it was still there, and this road block has eliminated it from being a possibility. I should have done this, in this order, before attempting to find a wife and start a family, my mistake being, I put my own desires ahead of God's desire for me, it's a mistake I had made, and I take full reasonability for. Things I would not care to discuss on personal matters outside of the faith, but it does tie into it, ultimately, I have been impressed with one gal, and I'm leaving it at that., Seems hopeful, but I won't know until later, but I have to admit, my heart is in a better place to do her presence, be it severely limited.

I've pretty much had it along protocols along trying to arrange for a meeting with the new priest, so am just going to send an email, call it good, and if he can't spend 10 minutes with me over the phone, so be it, but this is par for the course. Either overworked, not interested, or not prepared, regardless, this is not what the priesthood is about, it's about leadership, tending to the flock, being a good Shepard, and my parish, lost so much 35 years back, it's time it's formally addressed and hopefully is going to teach him, along the path of restoration for it. One has to be with a community this long to really know what it's about, and these guys are left in the dark about it., I want him to know he's appreciated, Loved, and cared for by us, but at the same time, there is a reason we keep going through an assembly line of priests.

I have my work cut out for me and I guess since nobody is going to speak up, I gotta be the one to do so. Adding more to the grotto as well, Mary's presence has been delegated to this place sadly, no statues of her in the church any more, and I can't imagine who on earth wanted things to change this way.

I guess I'm in sales, business mode here at this stage, just moving forward, doing what needs to be done, and the music, the mass, sharing in the Lords supper, all inspiring and moving of ones soul.

Pax Christi,

Brian